Lost stories.

Hey guys, sorry for being away for such a long time. I was away on a work trip 2 weeks ago and Chinese New Year festivities commenced the minute I got back. It has been a rather draining 2 weeks, and I have probably worn my body down pretty badly. 

Her passing.

My paternal grandmother passed away on the second day of new year and it was such a frenzy pulling the funeral together. I think I have aged at least 50 years mentally prepping for everything. 

We have lost our granny to old age. She was a strong 90yo lady who pulled through even though she was physically drained and bed bound. She was my only surviving grandparent, and I regret not spending more time with her. My grandmother and I shared a deep language barrier. For one, she was affluent in dialect while I am lacking in that department. I think about the times my family and I visited her during weekends, and how she was generous even though she had so little to give. I guess when we reach old age, things like life achievements and success stories don't really hold much weight or importance. What matters is if your children are happy, or if your grandchildren have eaten their meals.

"jiak pa buay?" (Hokkien: Have you eaten?) 

That was what she used to ask me. I would nod and say yes, even though I have not. Maybe I did not want her to force food down my throat, maybe I should have let her do so. A grandmother's love for her grandchild. Now buried six feet under. 

The funeral brought many memories of my late mum, someone I used to write a lot about in the early days of my blog. Those who have followed me for years would know this, but those who are new here.. I grew up without my mother. It was not a choice we could make, it was not calculated. She was taken away by cancer in her forties. I try to talk about her every now and then, not because it is something to be depressed about. I want her to be remembered, to hold some sort of significance in this little space of mine. This is a diary and even though many influencers strive for commercialization to keep the money going and clients smiling, I intend always keep it this way... Raw, simple and heart wrenchingly relatable. I don't have a perfect life, I am not that pretty girl who has it all. 

Sad to say, I have not really gotten the chance to sit down at my computer other than the office. So apologies to all the advertisers who has been trying to book a slot for the past few weeks, I am terribly sorry that I have not gotten the time to shoot any advertorial shoots as well. Will get to them as soon as I can.

The birthday.

The eve of my birthday (25th February 2015) was spent in the office. I met my friends at cozy boutique hotel Studio M, they had booked a room staycation for my birthday. We spent the night with takeaway sushi, junk food and red wine, just talking about everything and anything as usual. Nothing spectacular, but it was simple just the way I like it. I don't like my birthday flamboyant. I like to have a couple of my closest friends around me, with simple food and drinks out of disposable plates and glasses.

I left the hotel early in the morning to get myself to work in Balestier. Got to office early and was surprised by my colleagues - they were preparing my birthday cake in the pantry when I walked in on them. Those who know me personally, would know that I am always doing epic things like that. Did I mention that I walked into the pantry's glass door on my first day of work? It was so damn loud. I fell on the floor wincing in pain and a large bump formed on my forehead by the end of the day. The entire office knew I was a klutz from that day onwards. 

So anyway, I started to experience a mild stomachache just before lunch, and it escalated into full cramps right after my colleagues came back from lunch. Tried to hold it in, cause I am a fighter like that (which is frankly, pretty detrimental at times)

I called for an early meeting after lunch to discuss ideas for an upcoming campaign, and was grasping hard at my abdomen halfway through the discussion. My colleagues were increasingly concerned and kept asking me to head back to rest. I eventually did, and stated puking as soon as I got home. I remember thinking to myself, it is probably food poisoning from the night before. I mean, red wine and raw sushi is probably not the best mix of all... right? Or worse case scenario, gastric?

The Hospital Adventure

I was so wrong.

Thankfully, my brother is currently back from Melbourne and rushed me to the hospital. I was wrenching in pain when I got there and they gave me some painkillers to ease the pain. The nurses also put me on a drip which I absolutely hated cause I really hate needles. Had to stay there for awhile to go through some tests, which determined my fate.. to be rushed to another hospital which had appropriate medical equipment and personnel to assist my situation.

There, they found out from a CT scan that I had a 6cm growth (cyst) in my lower abdominal area. Nothing cancerous has been spotted, thank goodness. I spent the next 3 days in hospital running tests and being under close observation. So if anyone is wondering where the hell I was on my birthday, and being missing for a couple of days which is pretty much unlike me.. there I was. 

Forgive me if some images are a little graphic. I believe that most of you are probably of age since no regular teen would find my blog the least bit interesting anyway haha. Too melodramatic for young minds huh. I really wanted to document this while it is still fresh in my memories. I mean, how many people can say that they had such a dramatic birthday yeah. Being rushed to the hospital and having to choose what to bring... Realized that what I really needed could practically fit into a small backpack. Simple toiletries, laptop, chargers and a change of clothes. We need very little, but want so much. Food for thought huh.

So, to put this entry to a stop and prevent myself from talking on..... All is looking good for now, I am scheduled for operation this Friday so all the best to me for that. I am pretty much terrified of needles and operating halls. Thank you guys for all your kind messages and emails, sorry that I cannot get back to you as quickly as I would like to. Like I said in my Instagram posting yesterday.... Stay safe guys, health is gold.