I think you need to fall in love with the wrong person. I think you need to fight and cry and sweat and bleed and fail. I think you need to have bad relationships and bad breakups. I think you need all of that so that when the right person and the right relationship comes along you can sigh with relief and say, “Ah yes. That is how its supposed to feel. -Excerpt from “Conversations with my Mother"
Don't kill yourself over trying to hunt for it.
The best things happen when you're off-guard. Refrain from directing a gun towards your emotions and pulling the trigger on whatever feelings that might be left. Always believe, with the innocence of a child, that the residue of your heart can be cultivated. What you're seeking for might not be in a person. Just give it another try. Happiness might be just around the corner, moments away from where your tired feet is anchored. Happiness might be in that coffee shop across the street, or maybe that dusty bookstore you always wanted to visit in the middle of the night when your mind wanders to a black hole of emotions.
Visit when your heart is entirely spent, when no one is looking. Sneak out and drown yourself in glorious text. Head to that book store and dance around the shelves, drawing out book after book as you waltz around the aisles. Maybe you'll chance upon a book that you thought that you'll never read. Fall deeply in love with the passionate, enthusiastic fictional characters and pray that you'd meet more people of that calibre. Let your tears stumble down your rosy cheeks, flushed with exhilaration for embarking in an adventure so twisted, yet lovely. Revisit the happier moments, no matter how measly they might be. Dance around the empty aisles and let your inner inhibitions run free. But darling, hold on to that trigger - just in case. This is your dance, your fight for survival entirely.
The test of one's true character is seen on the verge of death. Fear is often associated with weakness and well, vulnerability. I'd like to think of vulnerability as an insignificant rock, unseen to the human eye. Yet it lies in quiet murky streams, waiting to be polished into a precious jewel. Why, you might ask. Why so optimistic when vulnerability is just as it is?
I'd like to believe that vulnerability is indeed one of the most precious things in the world. And not many people has experienced it point-blank. No one consciously chooses to be vulnerable for obvious reasons - simply because the stakes are too high. I once read somewhere that being vulnerable is not about revealing the parts of you that are shiny or pretty. It's about revealing what you deny, or keep hidden from other people.
"Don't be afraid of showing people the less than stellar parts. Your weakness can be your greatest strength."